Blog, Thoughts

The 3rd Position for Polygamy

The pain and the anger of women and wives may persist for a long time and may can’t even be cured when a renowned preacher whose followers and admirers were mostly women from different religions, had decided to marry a second woman.

Women felt betrayed, some men as well, as their dreams of a role model for a happily monogamous family had been destroyed, also raised fears that husbands and men in general would follow suit. The dust might be settled down, but the fear and the agony remains.

It will never be an obsolete issue. Some of you may be facing it, or may be it’s affecting one of your relatives or close friends.

Polygamy has its dark and bright sides. People, however, have different opinions of which one is more dominant, and it’s normal. My ignorant opinion says that it’s highly contextual, and hence it should be seen as case by case basis. A generalization will only give birth to tyranny of majority, or tyranny of minority.

Do I support polygamy or oppose it?

The answer is I respect both group of people. That’s what I call the third position for the polygamy’s debate. I respect those who have decided to practice polygamy, as they have every right to do so. I believe that it’s not an easy decision for everyone involved and for the greater families as well. Some might have valid reasons, others might have merely justifications. It’s still, however, a hard and courageous decision. I might have ever been thinking about it, but I have no such courage, and I respect my wife who opposes it.

Likewise, I respect those who do not want to practice it. It’s an individual choice, individual life, not a group one. It’s definitely not a completely bright or dark situation. In a place where there is only light, no element of darkness, people will be totally blind. Nothing can be seen, as all is white. Total darkness makes people blind too.

We can make a long list of the dark sides of polygamous marriages. There are plenty of horrendous examples as well. We can, however, make another equally long list of the bright sides of polygamous marriages. Both lists are correct, but both highly depend on the context. To me, there’s no absolute right or absolute wrong, when it is related with people’s opinion and / or interpretation.

Well, can we let people choose their own path of lives then, and respect their decisions, whatever they are, or can’t we?

, seorang pejalan musiman dan penyuka sejarah. Penduduk Jakarta yang sedang tinggal di Cikarang Utara. Diperbarui: June 12, 2007.

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